The time i decided to be positive (and then everything went wrong)
Bringing ‘choosing to be positive’ to life, and sharing two fail-safe tools to having a positive mindset.
Positivity is a choice we can all make every day. Admittedly it takes focus and commitment, but nonetheless can be simple and is impactful.
Several years ago, I went on a three-night snowboarding holiday, without my children, and with four best friends.
I was super excited and wanted to make sure I enjoyed every single moment. On the way to the airport in the car I decided that no matter what happened on this holiday, I wasn’t going to let anything bother me or annoy me, I was just going to have a brilliant time.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, having made that decision, loads of things went wrong! My snowboard was not put on the plane, the roads to the resort were shut due to heavy snowfall, the hire car did not come with the snow-chains we had booked. And so it went on, right up until the night before leaving to come home when the snowfall was so heavy there was a strong possibility we wouldn’t make it to airport for the flight.
Incredibly, I took all this in my stride. Nothing bothered me, I found the positives, I was pragmatic and I didn’t let myself get worried about the “what ifs…”. I have no doubt that, had I not have made the commitment to myself about not letting anything spoil my holiday, I would have been stressed out, annoyed, upset and worried. This wouldn’t have been nice for me, nor would it have been much fun for those around me. Just by having made that conscious choice, I was able to look at things in a different, more positive light, to reframe what was happening to see the opportunities, benefits and learnings.
I realise this was a particular set of circumstances. It was not everyday life and none of the things that went wrong had any serious consequence in the grand scheme of things. But nonetheless I was surprised at my own capacity to accept, shrug my shoulders, focus on the positives, and move on.
Everyday life – for me at least – is unfortunately not hanging out with my friends snowboarding in the beautiful mountains. But how we react to what happens to us is very much in our control.
Life can feel relentless, busy, exhausting, and the presence of mind and focus I had that weekend is hard to maintain. So, we need to embed sustainable positive thinking habits into our daily lives so that they simple become the way we approach things.
Here's two powerful but simple tools you can make part of your daily life.
1) 5 x 2
Start and end the day as you mean to go on by building positive thinking habits with an exercise I call 5 x 2. This is simply thinking five positive thoughts, twice a day.
You can do it at any time that works for you, but in my experience most people find it easiest to embed as a sustainable habit first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Try this:
During the evening, or when you are in bed, take a few minutes to reflect on your day. Go through the whole day and decide the five most positive things that happened. The important part here is relativity. They don’t need to be amazing things - just the things that in the context of this particular day were most positive. It could include getting a promotion but equally could be things as simple as bumping into someone you like, catching a bit of sunshine, or enjoying your lunch. Even if you’ve had a tough day, you can still find things to pull out, and just reflecting on the nicest parts of your day, even if small, means you end the day with a positive perspective.
Then, first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, or with your morning cuppa think about the five things you are looking forward to most about the day ahead. Some days it might be seeing friends, going out for dinner, or even going on holiday. Other days it might just be having a short walk, treating yourself to a nice coffee, or watching a progamme you enjoy. Again, it’s not important what they are, what’s important is that you are going into the day with a positive mindset.
Make this a daily habit. You will notice the difference.
2) Positive Reframing
There will always be things that knock us off or make us feel annoyed, disappointed or frustrated. Positive reframing is a technique to help you see things differently and change the meanings we attribute to situations or events. It’s looking at the same situation in new ways that highlight possibilities rather than threats to our happiness.
Try this:
The next time you experience a negative or challenging situation try and think about it in a more positive way. This could be finding a benefit or upside that you hadn’t considered or identifying a lesson to be learnt from a difficult situation.
On my weekend away when my snowboard didn’t arrive I could easily have been annoyed and frustrated that I had to waste time going to hire shop and use a board I wasn’t used to. I decided to reframe it though and embrace the opportunity to try a different type of board. Mine being a short, twin tip board for freestyle riding, I hired a longer directional board better in powder and for a faster ride. I saw this as an exciting opportunity to try a different style of boarding that I wouldn’t have otherwise had.
You can find a positive in everything. ‘I’m scared my presentation won’t go well’ can become ‘In just 30 minutes the presentation will be over and whatever happens, I will be a better presenter for having had the experience’. ‘So-and-so made a comment to me that wasn’t nice and it annoyed and upset me’ can become ‘I rose above it and did not respond despite the fact that it upset me - I’m proud of myself for doing that’. ‘I’m scared I’m not capable of doing what I’ve been asked’ can become ‘I have a proven track record, they are demonstrating faith in me by asking me and it’s an opportunity to stretch myself’.
Make this a habit and you will feel the difference.
I know it can be tough to have the presence of mind to step back and choose positivity. But the more you do it the easier it becomes. So decide to be positive today, and tomorrow and the next day.